A Thousand Goodbyes
Back in the West, when I’ve reached the end of a meeting or gathering, it’s usually a swift process. For example:
Unique Muslimah: Thank you so much for visiting!
Visitor: Thank you for having me! Goodbye!
Unique Muslimah: Bye bye!
END
But beware, in Egypt the process is a completely different, withdrawn, and for those of you dying to go to the loo, painful experience. (Of course this is not with everyone). For example:
Unique Muslimah: Thank you so much for visiting! But it’s still early! (You always have to add that last line for some reason).
Visitor: Oh I don’t want to be a heavy guest! [Ironic because she's about to be in a few minutes...]
(Walks towards the door).
Unique Muslimah: No don’t be silly.
(Both standing before the door)
Visitor: Well I’ll bid you goodnight and thank you again for a lovely time.
Unique Muslimah: Thank you for your company!
Visitor: It’s your company that is so great! Yalla bye…But seriously, did you notice how….(a new conversation begins which takes about 2 minutes)…Anyway I don’t want to keep you, take care and please give my love to your mother.
Unique Muslimah: Of course I will ensha’Allah, thank you, I’ll tell her tomorrow.
Visitor: Okay, goodbye. Please, I really want to see her by the way, we have to organise a trip together….(a new conversation begins which takes about another 2 minutes)…..
This scenario goes on for as long as your luck fails you. It happens to me without fail and the excuse they use is that I’m too valuable for them to leave. Fine, but I am just wondering, why get up and say goodbye when you’re going to have another long conversation(s) by the door anyway. We could have done that while sitting down, no? I find this custom quite amusing at times and I certainly have to giggle afterwards. But there are other times when the process takes half an hour and that’s when anyone would start getting a little frustrated to stand by the door while making small talk.
But it was good to have a guest today, despite the withdrawn goodbye. I’ve been confined to my bed for 6 days now since getting the virus and haven’t seen or spoken to anyone since, so it was nice to be able to catch up on the world. My legs however weren’t impressed when I had to stand for so long while still weak and while saying goodbye for a thousand times.
And don’t even get me started on what happens when you say goodbye during phone calls. *shivers at the thought*
Getting out the door is the same here in Canada! It can take forever before that guest leaves.
Thank you so much for your congratulations on my shadada and for stopping by my blog.. I am going to start linking to other blogs now and would love to include you on the list with your permission.
Your New Sister in Islam,
Hanan
faithfulwonder
August 3, 2008 at 6:12 am
I would suggest to have a chair beside the door then
. We have some annoying habits in Egypt, most of them because we didn’t get used to be direct.
يوسف محمد
August 3, 2008 at 11:41 am
LOL, this post remindes me of my dad. Everytime a visitor at our house tries to leave, my dad says:”Beyjao na! Ayey bara time eh.” Translated as: “Sit down! There’s plenty of time.” So the visitor sits back down and they continue to chat for hours on end and whenever they try to leave…”bara time eh!”
Tuba
August 3, 2008 at 12:42 pm
You gotta love being an Egyptian!
Organica
August 3, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Hahaa, How similar to Iran is this Egypt. It’s part of an act name as doing-Ta’aruf.
If you do it for goodbye, one should remind all relatives to say salam to them. She should not end the conversation with a bye, bcs it’s impolite. She should raise conversations during the process of “goodbye” bcs it’s impolite she says a simple goodbye.
If she doesnt do it, they may say: “how impolite she is. She even didnt do Ta’aruf. And said a fast goodbye”
If she does do Ta’arof, they may say : “Oh how much this girl talks. I wanted to say goodbye long time ago, but she still talks.”
Yes, it all sucks. Kinda confusing issue for me. I am the fast goodbye person and i dont have Ta’aruf in my dictionary! Impolite Shahee? LOL
Shahrzad
August 3, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Hehe, we have the same ‘guest culture’ in Pakistan. Saying goodbye is a tedious and long process indeed.
Hope you recover to full health soon.
And…Happy Friendship Day!
nadia
August 3, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Ha!Ha! Guess its a torture for anyone in need of a Washroom … !!!
But, Its the same in every culture, Happens in my side of the world too
Maryam
August 3, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Thank you so much Hanan for stopping by, I’d love to be on your list, thank you! I look forward to exchanging comments on our blogs ensha’allah
يوسف fantastic idea, I’m going to do that the next time a guest comes by, there has to be a corner next to the door where we can sit.
Tuba that’s hillarious!
Happens here but we’re always standing up for some reason which tests your patience!
Organic
Shahrzad, I told you long ago our cultures are so similar subhanAllah
You are like me, goodbye means goodbye but can we teach them our way I wonder? 
Nadia good to know it’s not just an Egyptian thing!
Thank you dearest you’re very kind!
Maryam, definitely!
Unique Muslimah
August 3, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Here amongst Bengalis it is the same thing. Then they make each of the kid go and say thank you to the uncle and aunty of the house (host and hostesses) so that too takes time as uncle and aunty may be missing.
Haleem
August 4, 2008 at 2:44 am
Oh yes, and I just learned that when someone leaves your house/apartment you shouldn’t close the door after till they are far and out of your site or else they’ll think you couldn’t wait for them to leave or something!
mamamona
August 4, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Haha I think that’s not only in Egyptian culture but all cultures!
When the guests say “okay it’s time to go” that actually means “okay let’s just relocate our party to the front entrance for a few more minutes!”
Muslim Girl
August 4, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Salams UniqueMuslimah,
stumbled upon your blog..
hope you remain healthy during your holidays in Egypt..
I like your writings..
Can we link and be sisters in islam?
Janna Khaireah
Janna
August 6, 2008 at 11:37 am
i guess the system prevails in the muslim world, as modest and lazyness dominates the culture in most places, not sure about Iran but from what I have heard off egypt and being a Pakistani, both these soceities are pretty lazy and there is hardly ever any rush
muhammed ansari
August 6, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Sometimes the need to be polite overwhelms our sense of trying to say goodbye, like when you say “No don’t be silly.” It’s not like you don’t like the person it’s just you just don’t want to be talking to them at that particular moment/(s). Sometimes it can get mildly frustrating.
outcastrebelchic
August 6, 2008 at 8:04 pm
now this is funny! I’m living in Thailand where goodbyes are much less prolonged than in the U.S. (my native country).
Telephone calls end with a click, rather than a goodbye…had to let my Thai husband know that culturally speaking, I really needed a spoken “goodbye” to ensure we had both decided to end the conversation.
Lest one think my husband lack a manner or two, and the situation is unique, it’s happened to all the Westerners I know who have formed intimate or close relations with a Thai person.
For those who are in the know, Bangkok has a large prostitute population that caters to mainly Westerners (they have an even larger one that caters to Thais)…but the working girls who cater to Westerners learn to prolong their goodbyes.
It’s not unusual to see a young working girl waving her latest 50 something “honey” off, stopping– and looking back mournfully, walking a bit, and stopping looking back and waving again. All the while the old man looking back and waving eagerly too. Makes for a better business investment.
Makes for ordering food over the phone confusing too…sometimes you’re waiting for a confirmation of the order or trying to change an order (which is totally necessary when you’re ordering food in a non-native tongue) when you hear “click,” damn…foiled again.
The first time I went back to his hometown for Song Kran (Thai New Year) we visited his older sister and father. After a week of celebrations, they motorcycled us back to the bus station so we could return to Bangkok.
I had barely hopped off the motorcycle and placed my bag in the terminal to turn around and say my thanks and goodbyes. But they had already motorcycled away. I turned to my husband bewildered and asked where they were going. He answered they were were returning home, I sputtered but, but we haven’t even said goodbye. And asked him when he would see them next. He answered he’d see them next Thai New Year.
He couldn’t understand my dismay and I simply couldn’t fathom a yearly family visit that didn’t end with hugs, drama and prolonged goodbyes.
Hell, the one time my mother visited me here and I dropped her off at the airport after a too short 10 day visit. I held her hand through every airport queue and practically hollered for her to stay awhile longer as she disappeared through airport security towards her flight.
talk about a self-inflicted mini-drama.
yosso
August 8, 2008 at 7:42 pm
LOL! My husband’s culture is the same way! I learned quickly though that goodbyes are loooonnngggggg and you are typically expected to walk the person out to the car.
Hijabi Apprentice
August 9, 2008 at 4:15 am
that’s so true!
if you don’t do that thousand good bye thing then you’re acused to not liking your visitor and being eager for them to leave..
it’s almost the same with food but the thousand beggings for you to eat more usually end up with hands throwing peices of lamp and stuffed vine leaves inyour plate !
Ruba
August 9, 2008 at 8:17 pm
I never know whether the host really wants me to stay or is being polite. Maybe they actually want me to leave, and how am I supposed to know, especially if I’d prefer to stay longer?
I love the fast, efficient good-bye. I’ve probably offended Arab guests when I inadvertantly failed to beg them to stay when they clearly wanted to leave.
I’ve probably offended Arab hosts by staying longer and longer whenever they showed great enthusiasm for my presence.
Marahm
August 15, 2008 at 6:00 am