Unique Muslimah

I think it’s about time I confess. Not everything in my life is going well. And there is an issue that is slowly causing me to cry in quiet desperation because I know nothing I do will fix it. It’s just too late.

Last year around the same time I remember writing a post with a determination to sort it out. And with your encouragement and support I was able to do so. Maybe today I write this with a silent hope of having the same encouragement so I can resolve this issue that is slowly driving me to depression.

It’s my weight. I had successfully lost so much weight last summer and was on a successful healthy eating program by Judy Cole called “Heal your Weight, The Body Talks”. It changed my life and the way I looked at food. I loved being this new me who had control over food, not vice versa.

But slowly I started accepting people’s invitations to “just a slice of cake”, or “just a can of soda”, or “just a burger I’ve made especially for you”, things that were outside my diet plan. I’d be thinking, “Yes, just this once”, until one thing led to another, until almost a year later I’ve reached a weight I’ve never reached before. I’ve exploded into this fat blob and I just have no idea where to start to rectify the situation.

I’ve never been 196 Ibs before (89 kilograms, 14 stone). Today I have managed to expand to the realm of fatness. If this was a competition, I’d surely win for putting the most weight on in a period of 9 months, and I have no pregnancy excuse. It has just happened with or without my own will.

My relationship with food has started to become a disastrous one. I look at the calendar and know summer is approaching which should give me the initiative to start losing weight, but I just don’t have it in me. I’ve been given presents in the form of health books from family members, but they just lie there on the shelf collecting dust. My clothes do not fit into me anymore. And still, everyday I’ll say “I’ll start today” and then go for junk food.

I need to look after my body for the sake of God. It’s a gift from Him and I’m doing a good job destroying it. I also want to look like a presentable Muslimah in my work place and everywhere else I go, a sophisticated Muslimah, but that’s not just working these days. I thought my days of acne were over, but due to the weight gain, they’ve slowly crept up on me, leaving scars.

It seems I’m reliving my teenage years all over again. And I don’t have it in me to try again, to repeat the procedure I’ve attempted so many times that I’ve lost count. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to have the will, the determination to get things right.

I strive for perfection everywhere else in my life, but when it comes to my personal health, I just can’t climb up this Mount Everest. And I’m afraid I’ll become just as big as old Everest if I don’t start doing something about it.

I’ve been promoted. It has proved to the outside world that Muslim women can be successful in the business world. That a man will be impressed with a women’s work who wears the hijab- that piece of cloth does not hinder her from using her brains.

I can be a role model at home and outside. Those who think Muslim women need to be locked up or chained to the kitchen stove are wrong. Muslim women offer so much to society. Without us, Earth might as well lock up, throw away the key and call the whole thing off.

People around me know I am a hard worker. I come up with creative ideas to improve the environment I’m working in. I work with my soul, aiming to fulfil the best I can achieve for the sake of God, the society I live in and the workplace and its people. People around me say I make a difference, though I shyly disagree because I feel I haven’t yet made it into the history books. That was a joke. I think.

Speaking of jokes, people love my sense of humour and many of the youth I work with favour my cheerful, relaxed yet informative style. I love making people laugh, to melt away their burdens even if only for a minute or so and I always feel compassionate towards others.

Perhaps things are advancing positively today, but I’m still not satisfied. I haven’t yet reached the top. My journey isn’t over just because I’ve been promoted, or just because my photographs have been attracting attention from magazines and on line publications. I still have a lot to do, because as a Muslim my religion has taught me that even if the Day of Judgement has commenced and I have a seed in my hand, I must plant it. Because bettering society is what it’s all about.

Through my work, my dedication, my commitment to living a successful life, I want to change the stereotype that people hold towards Muslim women. I’m not backward, I’m not dull, I’m not housebound, nor am I incompetent.

I thrive for life and its wondrous adventures. I am passionate about capturing a moment with my camera that will share its essence for years to come. I am thriving to become successful in whatever I choose to do, from work to cooking a decent cake that will leave my taste buds revitalised and awakened for life.

There’s too much taboo on the fact that people shouldn’t recognise their good points in fear of pride, jealousy or boasting and there’s not enough realisation that a person can look at their success and humbly thank God. I am doing the latter and I know many Muslim women- more successful than me – are doing just the same.

It’s time to celebrate being successful Muslim women. And I sure hope I’m not alone in this celebration.