Types of Muslim Men
I seem to be meeting two different types of men. The first type is the extremely religious-almost-everything-is-haram man. They all look the same; same fist-long beard, same white hat that hides a mass of hair, same shaved mustache and white trousers with a long white shirt that goes over the knees. I don’t believe these kind of men are “extremists” or “terrorists” just because they live like that.
If he is interested in you he will get to know you by introducing himself to your family and have frequent meetings with you all together, probably with his family involved too. During these informal “meetings” you’ll probably learn his “everything-is-haram” views.
Then there is the second type of man. The “part-time Muslim”. The almost-everything-is-halal man. He is liberal in his beliefs, does not really pray, may drink alcohol, thinks it’s fine to hang out with his “girl friends” and thinks the first type of man explained above is an extremist. If he’s interested in you he will think that dating is an essential part in getting to know you. That means you and him should be alone. He thinks it is great that you wear the hijab, because he wants to show off to his family and friends that he has landed himself a religious wife. This is also quite suffocating.
I’m not interested in either of these types of men that I’ve met. There is however a third type of man (there could be a fourth and fifth but I don’t have time). They are in the middle-ground of the two men described above. They are not too strict and they are not too loose. They are just right. I’ve seen some American Muslims and Canadian Muslims who are “just right”, so I know they do exist. But of course marriage is naseeb. You can’t ask why it didn’t work out, that’s just destiny for you.
But they are out there. They are lovely men with beautiful personalities, they have the faith in their hearts and minds and they live life to their fullest potential. They make you laugh, they don’t have complex personalities due to cultural baggage. They would never oppress you. They would want to love you for the rest of their lives. They would regard you as an equal.
I wonder if there’s more of them in stock somewhere…because it seems some of us have missed out on a “available for a limited-time only.”
Hmm, they are out there, but few in number; same situation with the number of truly good women.
iMuslim
February 3, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Methinks i was spammed! Please check your Askimet, Uniquey…
iMuslim
February 3, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Sorry iMuslim, quite a few bloggers keep getting stuck in Akismet for some reason…
Unique Muslimah
February 3, 2008 at 6:13 pm
The first way of knowing future wife is very difficult. I agree with longterm engagement really.
In Iran religious families usually ask girl and boy to go to somewhere like yard or a part of room which they can easily talk. More modern people go to cafe for sometimes or outside and talk.
Also they can use internet to talk to each other if they feel shy or uncomfortable to meet. That’s better than siting with whole family gazing on your mouth that what you will say.
Awwww, lovely man with beautiful personality. If you add a handsome to it (without beard plz) , it will be only my Shahriar..
Shahrzad
February 3, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Shahrazad you already have your item
it’s us who missed out on the sale 
Unique Muslimah
February 3, 2008 at 6:16 pm
“I seem to be meeting two different types of men”
Astagfirullah! Sister – please tell me this is not true… and that you don’t mean what I think you mean. For HE is most merciful and HE is most forgiving.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Okay I’m messing wid ya, I’m not one of *those* guys and thought I’d have a laugh since we all know how much you like being told what to do.
Not! Ha ha
piniyini
February 3, 2008 at 7:30 pm
My child, I think you are too picky. So let me help you. Why don’t you provide me a list of physical and behavioral characteristics that a future spouse needs to have and I will find you one. Try being specific please!
For example
Height:2.0 meters
Nationality: Chinese
Ethnicity:Hun
Skin color:albino
Eye color: Red
Religion:Taoist
Sect: Wudang Sect
Politic stance: Extremist Fundamentalist
Attitude towards women: Believes to be their master
….etc
Sincerely
Father Pauli
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Father Pauli
February 3, 2008 at 7:33 pm
You’re right, these # three types of men are very few in number, which is sad… it’s no wonder that the #3 type-girls have such a hard time finding them.
'liya
February 3, 2008 at 7:38 pm
You’re right, these #3-type men are few in number, which is sad… it’s no wonder that the #3 type girls have such a hard time finding them and vice versa.
P.S. if this comment shows twice just delete one of them
'liya
February 3, 2008 at 7:40 pm
I come across the same types of men. & I have also seen a lot of the converts seem ‘just right’, but there are some ‘just right’ born Muslim men too, who have come to realise and acknowledge the beauty of this deen, after having been not so religious when they were younger.
I think it is hard though to come across the ‘just right’ types, and usually they’re already taken.
May Allah bless you with one of the ‘just right’ ones out there Ameeeen
x
Olivia
February 3, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Toseef, lol! Hillarious
Father Pauli that’s even more hillarious
‘liya, where does V fit in
I’m sure he’s a number 3 otherwise you wouldn’t have picked him 
The same goes for Shahrzad’s shahrir thingy 
olivia, that’s such a good explanation sis! I hope you also find your just right guy too
xx
Unique Muslimah
February 3, 2008 at 10:23 pm
He is a #3 and I feel grateful (alhumdulillah)
'liya
February 3, 2008 at 11:24 pm
aww masha’allah, and I’m sure you are his #3 too!
Unique Muslimah
February 3, 2008 at 11:41 pm
You may be surprised, but many of us “middle-grounded” Muslim men (good description by the way) are having the exact same struggles in finding a wife.
May Allah make it easier for us all.
americanmuslim
February 4, 2008 at 12:13 am
thanks for commenting AM! I’m actually not surprised at all…Ameen to your duaa!
Unique Muslimah
February 4, 2008 at 1:29 am
Unfortunately sheepoo is no more available
. Mrs sheepoo found the “They are lovely men with beautiful personalities, they have the faith in their hearts and minds and they live life to their fullest potential. They make you laugh, they don’t have complex personalities due to cultural baggage. They would never oppress you. They would want to love you for the rest of their lives. They would regard you as an equal.” for herself. Seems she is pretty content and so is sheepoo 
Jazak Allah!
sheepoo
February 4, 2008 at 1:39 am
aww that is so sweet sheepoo
May Allah bless you both! 
Unique Muslimah
February 4, 2008 at 1:45 am
Assalamu’alaykum Unique,
Category 3 does seem like a species bordering on extinction. But I also believe in evolution (by courtesy of plenty of du’a)
good luck
hijabhaven
February 4, 2008 at 1:47 am
loool noooo hijaabhaven, extinction! We must put them on the endangered species list right away! best of tawfeeq for you too!
Unique Muslimah
February 4, 2008 at 3:18 am
salaam.
you’re so right! i seem to see a lot of these two kinds of men around.
i’m glad i got in on the sale too.
Mona
February 4, 2008 at 6:36 am
The only ones I have ever met to my knowledge were Pakistanis, Turks, Moroccans, and one or to Bengals. Most of them were very friendly people and were perhaps more Western in their appearance than traditional Arab dress.
The Turks I mention own a restaurant near where I grew up, and were surprised that a white girl with no experience in Mid-East culture wanted to try — and could drink — Turkish coffee, without any dairy to dilute its strong taste. I drank the whole demitasse, but I like it served with the traditional fig or cinnamon. I could drink it — and loved it sweetness — because I also happen to drink straight espresso usually as my cup of choice.
Whilst I have studied historical and cultural Islam more than the religion itself, there are many aspects of the religion and culture I find interesting and would like to learn and relearn someday. I’m glad I learned it when I did — it was a year later that 9/11 occurred, and unlike my peers, I developed no prejudices or biases against anyone of Muslim belief or descent. How did it happen, like what caused me to study Islam? Disney’s Aladdin.
Jersey
February 4, 2008 at 6:44 am
hehe, nice post as usual
but not all men w/ beards and kufi, shaved moustache, folded pants and whatnot are ‘extreme’..
insha’Allah. Allahumma ameen!
I hope I meet my #3 and you too
youngMuslimah
February 4, 2008 at 8:19 am
MashAllah, I think this is an amazing post keep it real sister..peacee
hustleharder
February 4, 2008 at 8:22 am
[...] Life, Men, Relationships, Women. trackback I came across a thought provoking post at Unique Muslimah’s blog which examines the different types of Muslim men she has [...]
Muslim Men « Jewaira’s Boudoir
February 4, 2008 at 9:23 am
AA- Unique,
“They are lovely men with beautiful personalities, they have the faith in their hearts and minds and they live life to their fullest potential. They make you laugh, they don’t have complex personalities due to cultural baggage. They would never oppress you. They would want to love you for the rest of their lives. They would regard you as an equal.”
Uhmmm, sorry sis, but no more prophets are coming…so you’re gonna have to make due with the run of the mill men out there.
brnaeem
February 4, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Jersey, your story is so interesting
You can always email me if you have any questions enshallah! 
Mona, haha good for you sweetheart
YoungMuslimah, if you read the post again I did say that I don’t think they are extremists
Hustle, thank you!
Brnaeem, hehe.
Unique Muslimah
February 4, 2008 at 1:45 pm
good luck in finding your Mr. Perfect sis! Hahaha..:)
moja
February 4, 2008 at 2:33 pm
thank you moja!
Unique Muslimah
February 4, 2008 at 3:06 pm
I think it would be considered offensive if someone like me were to write a post called “Types of Muslim Women”, making the same generalizations. I’m not sure why brothers get such a bad rap all the time.
There are no shortage of decent Muslims out there, both men and women; yet, most of them seem to deny the existence of the other, for some reason. Things don’t need to be so complicated, and you don’t need to lower your standards either. You just need to be confident in yourself, knowing that Allah won’t shortchange you in the life partner department.
Just remember that men and women are approximately 50/50 across the continent, and that for every decent Muslimah, there’s a decent Muslim to match. And for every type #1 and #2 Muslim male, there’s probably also a type #1 and #2 Muslim female. It all balances out in the end.
Faraz
February 4, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I did not mean to offend anyone Faraz. I was only speaking of my limited experience and did not intend to generalize. I apologise if I have hurt anyone’s feelings.
Unique Muslimah
February 4, 2008 at 7:34 pm
“But they are out there. They are lovely men with beautiful personalities, they have the faith in their hearts and minds and they live life to their fullest potential. They make you laugh, they don’t have complex personalities due to cultural baggage. They would never oppress you. They would want to love you for the rest of their lives. They would regard you as an equal.”
I am a man myself and I didn’t find it’s offensive. That’s the bona fide of people nowadays. Regardless male or female. What UniqMuslmh try to explain is from her point of view, from a muslimah’s eye. This just another opinion from a newbie.
Gee…I’m addicted to this blog.
JazakAllah..
moja
February 4, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Thank you Mojaa, you are too kind really! God has made all of this possible, I’m nothing without Him. Thank you for clarifying what I meant in the post to brother Faraz too
Wa iyyakum!
Unique Muslimah
February 4, 2008 at 8:54 pm
I didn’t say I was offended, I was saying that it would probably be deemed offensive if the roles were reversed. I don’t find it offensive at all, I just think you’re being a bit pessimistic. There are lots of great people out there, and you’ll find one soon enough.
Faraz
February 4, 2008 at 9:10 pm
There are so many of the number 3 guys. All of which are married
Catism
February 4, 2008 at 11:28 pm
I didn’t think I was being pessimistic really, I am just stating that these are the two types of men I see and meet on a regular basis…I thought I was being optimistic by saying that I know there is a third type out there and then I made a joke about there being a limited time only sale. You might have a point that I feel a little confused as to why I’m only seeing these two types…but that’s all really….Plus I’m in no hurry..I didn’t write this post to show that I’m desperate or something! As I wrote in the post, THERE ARE great people out there and enshallah may Allah bless us with good spouses! I’d appreciate it if you read my post carefully before writing
Unique Muslimah
February 4, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Catism, haha…you noticed that too?
Unique Muslimah
February 4, 2008 at 11:34 pm
“fist-long beard, same white hat that hides a mass of hair, same shaved mustache and white trousers with a long white shirt that goes over the knees”
I have found these men rarely are the ‘everything is haram’ type. They are usually farely well educated in Islam who desire to live a good life. These men usually are the ‘middle ground’ men because they took the time to learn about Islam and know that it is a religion of balance.
If conversations with these men lead to a list of what is haram or not I think that means the meeting just isn’t going so well sister. The two of you just aren’t clicking and the conversation has fallen into chatter to avoid silence. When the man who is planned to be your husband finally shows up inshaAllah the conversation will not feel like a ‘meeting’ and the conversation will not turn into a list of likes, dislikes, halals or harams.
May Allah reward you with good.
agadir_girl
February 5, 2008 at 12:39 am
AA- Catism,
“There are so many of the number 3 guys. All of which are married”
Hey, there’s always Islamic Polygyny…(ducking behind my keyboard)
brnaeem
February 5, 2008 at 7:59 am
BismillaharRahmanirRahim
as-salaamu ‘alaikum.
-Saifuddin
Saifuddin
February 5, 2008 at 8:22 am
haha catism that’s so true
love the post unique
you articulate our thoughts so well!!
sacrosanct
February 5, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I think you’ve actually missed a “type”. The everything’s-halal–for-me-but-haram-for-you type. I guess they’re the 2.5 edition and they suck. big time.
G.E&B
February 5, 2008 at 2:34 pm
masha’Allah agadir_girl! Actually its normal for those kind of guys to talk about all the haram/halal list to make sure you know what they expect from you. I don’t like that at all!
brnaeem, look behind you!
Saifuddin, wa alaikum al salam!
G.E. hahahahahahahahahaha, so true, sad but true. I did miss out a lot of types, glad you wrote this one out
Unique Muslimah
February 5, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Thank you sacro:)
Unique Muslimah
February 5, 2008 at 9:46 pm
masha’Allah agadir_girl! Actually its normal for those kind of guys to talk about all the haram/halal list to make sure you know what they expect from you. I don’t like that at all!
It isn’t normal from my own experience. You meet some weird people sis! LOL.
agadir_girl
February 6, 2008 at 9:36 pm
There are good Muslim guys and girls out there, even though they exist in small numbers.
There are even those who look beyond “male” and “female” and just perceive one another as Friends created for one another. As the Qur’an says, man and woman were created from a SINGLE BEING or SOUL. Differences surely exist between men and women, and yes, people like making jokes about the opposite sex, but when you think about it deeply, subhan’Allah, the two have been created to be so compatible on every single level. Every man has an Eve, and every woman has an Adam. They cannot live without one another.
A Love like this is Beautiful and maybe once-in-a-lifetime. Such a Perfect Match can exist, but what happens when life gets in the way?
Jehanzeb
February 7, 2008 at 8:02 am
I don’t fit any of the 3 choices. I guess I am Mr. 4.
metin
February 8, 2008 at 2:26 am
This is a different Faraz
.. pls don call me a #2 jus coz i’m Faraz#2 
Well, i actually have no comments.. What I’ve to tell, sis Unique, is that it would be great if you can elaborate more on the #3s that sisters like you desire.. I mean, the characteristics and the lifestyles of the #3s.. Coz i would like to be a #3 
Rather, I would be really grateful if you could evaluate my mindset and comment if i can be a #3 or what i lack to be one.. To know my thinking and mindset pls download a small book written by me, here : http://www.coolorhot.spyw.com/ Trust me, I’m not marketing or advertising anythin 
Jazakallahi khair
faraz
February 14, 2008 at 5:59 pm
The one that you describe, which is the third, in my opinion, is the moderate. I personally categorize it that way, just like in politics. Moderates, according to people, are confused people and they say, moderates are hypocrites, because, in one way, they say it’s okay, but in another, they say it’s not. Well, that depends. Okay in what sense? Unfortunately, some, the liberals (#2) and the conservatives (#1), fail to understand the mindset of the moderate (#3). I consider myself a moderate, because I know how to control myself, so that I’m not too extreme or too liberal.
I am from a country whose population is predominantly Muslim; however, the Qur’an and the hadith are not the law. Even so, the ulemas play a significant role in our lives. So, I consider my home country is moderate in its Islamic thinking, although it is conservative in one and liberal in another. Nevertheless, when it comes to national perspective, we are moderates (Sadly, it tends to be liberal now).
I would like to be conservative, honestly, but life is not just about akhira, right? So, we, moderates, have to balance it out with dunya, as long as wealth, fame and luxury are not our goal in life. Half and half is impossible, so it all depends on us, where we tend to “go” daily, to conservatism or to liberalism.
abutua
February 21, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Dear UniqueMuslimah, assalamu alaikum,
I found your blog when I saw an article in islam[dot]ru, which is the translation (into Russian) of your “Types of Muslim men” blog entry. Then I followed the link and here I am, reading your posts and the readers comments, and so decided to leave one too.
Somehow, Allah always makes me meet good people in my life, when I was not Muslim, and from the time I became one. So, I can’t categorize people into many types. I have personally seen many good men and women, decent, hardworking, and kind. Maybe I am just lucky, but maybe it’s because I don’t try to categorize people. I just try to accept them the way they are without imposing myself on anyone and judging anyone. And Allah answers my du’a when I ask Him to make me meet with good people in my life. So far so good. My wife has the same attitude.
One more comment from experience, and which worked for me and my wife. Both of us (before we met each other) made a lot of du’a asking for a good spouse.The result so far (9 years) has been great, alhamdulillah.
Wishing you and all the readers of this blog all the best, and may Allah surround you with good people always.
Wassalamu alaikum
Ildous
March 6, 2008 at 5:33 am
Salamo 3alakom,
I love reading your blogs…mashallah you always speak of serious topics in joking ways… I just wanted to say (as the only girl amongst four brothers) I find that boys or “men” as they like to call themselves tend to look for the “religious” type of women perhaps with the notion that she will bring them closer to there religion…I think those are the type 2’s your speaking of and maybe its not such a negative idea…anyway I just wanted to say that I live in New York and it does get frustrating trying to find that number 3 lol…best of luck to you
tryingtofindherplacemuslim
March 9, 2008 at 9:59 am
i guess faraz has a point in there – there are both such men and women out there! but if one doesn’t get to meet a wide range of people on a regular basis ( and not jus the ones distilled through aunties, that is probably the main problem here) then one won’t get to meet them. This is why the Internet is a such a good thing!
sonia
September 2, 2008 at 2:09 am
Good point…there seems to be a shortage of the last one you described but they are out there sis!!!
You’ll find him when you least expect it:)
Mina
September 2, 2008 at 9:11 pm
LOL so true, i got the second type of muslim man, but alhumdulilah he has quite changed in this last 1 year of marriage, he is now more like the third type of muslim man.
Convert from UK
November 21, 2008 at 12:14 pm