Unique Muslimah

Do you remember the first day you started menstruating?

I do.

It was last week when I was reminded. I was sitting with my colleagues and we were talking about how young girls begin their periods these days. Some of them start as young as eight, still babies in my opinion.

I remember the common theme in our group was that none of us knew what we were going through at the time we started. No one had told me about it, so when I found blood one day I thought I had hurt myself. My colleagues also went through the same motions. It was only when our mothers found out that we were told the facts of life.

At first I was really happy, I thought I was finally a grown-up. I bounced up and down and even raced to my dad and told him of this latest development in my life. It was only a few hours later when the pain started to kick in when I started to cry myself to sleep. Although my mother had explained what the period was, I wasn’t aware that this was only a once in a month occurrence.

I was crying because I thought I would bleed forever and never be able to go outside and play with children my age because of it. You can’t imagine how relieved I was when I learnt that I would only get it once a month and even then it would only last a week. My colleagues told me they had also gone through the same experience.

I’ve been through a lot with my menstrual cycle. It has been many years since the day I first found out about the facts of life for women. 

Sometimes I cannot believe that I’ve been experiencing this natural phenomena for decades. It’s a mercy from God that you just learn how to get on with it. Sometimes I welcome it because of the tension I feel a few days before it (PMS) pre-menstrual syndrome. Also due to PMS, I’ll feel quite down before my period arrives and I’ll want to just clean the house for some reason. I’ll also fancy some chocolate or something sweet.

I have decided that I will tell my daughter about the period when she is around 7 or 8 years old so that if she does get it when she is 8 or 9 (some girls do start this young!) then she is not as shocked as I was. I want to have a comfortable, open relationship with my daughter and be able to talk to her about the facts of life so that she is prepared.

Isn’t this strange, that often big events in our lives start with blood? When we are born, there is blood. When we start our periods, it is obviously blood. When we marry and lose our virginity, there is usually blood. When we sacrifice lambs for Eid, there is blood. Blood seems to be a common theme. Maybe because it cleanses us. I know the period does.

I remember I was so eager to start my menopause so that this whole cramp-crazy-period-monthly-bleedin’-hell would end. But I have heard how agonising it is. And I can understand. When my period is late for a few days I feel so tense, I’m just praying it comes so that I can feel relief. Isn’t that weird? SubhanAllah. “You may hate something that is good for you.” (Qur’an)

Sometimes I’m so tense, I thank God I am not a judge because I know I’d sentence a lot of innocent men to jail, just because they don’t have to go through what I was going through.

I come home from work absolutely famished. Food is the first thing on my mind. After I’ve had my shower and I’m in comfortable, clean clothes, my next priority is to feed myself. But because I’m out of the house at 7 in the morning and I’m back by 6pm I am secretly wishing that dinner is ready and waiting for me. For the male population reading this, I believe you have a point when some of you want dinner to be ready as soon as you walk in the door after a busy, working day.

I have a feeling that a lot of women will hate me for this, but bear with me on this one. I’m so hungry once I come home, I just wish for a decent, warm meal to fill my stomach and restore my battered energy level.

That’s why we have a rota system over at Unique’s house. The person who has a day off sets the dinner table for the family and ideally has it ready by the time everyone comes home.

It doesn’t always work out that way though. Today is one of those days. But I’m a flexible person, and I believe men who expect their dinner to be on the table at 6pm should be flexible too. I mean, it should be a shared responsibility if the situation allows it. They can reheat the food if it’s not ready and while doing that think how blessed they are for having someone to make dinner ready for them 95% of the time. Perhaps they should think about cooking for their working wives too once a week or something! Marriage is about compromise, isn’t it? (Warning to male population: I’ll definitely expect that from my husband!)

That’s why when I’m hungry and eager to get home, you’ll hear me say, “Men have a point when they’d like dinner to be ready when they arrive home from work!” The only reason I say ‘men’ here is because in my experience I’ve mainly heard men say this.

But having said that, men should not be unreasonable about this issue. He shouldn’t make a big deal about there being no dinner. Order take out! Be flexible! Some men do go over the top, some even divorcing their women with the excuse that she didn’t prepare his meals on time. Now that is over the top! And may I point out that I would love to cook dinner for my husband after his hard day at work. No guarantees if it’s edible though!

Right, I’m off to feed myself before I start going over the top and demand why my dinner isn’t on the table already!