The Butterfly Collector
He sits there, watching her. Admiration is all he feels. His eyes gaze over her, his ears tingle with the sound of her voice. His nose picks up the scent, the unique scent that is hers. His brain processes the wondrous emotions, his cells sparking with fire. He believes he has just met his soul mate. Lightening strikes in his mind. The pieces of the puzzle are all connected now. Today is the day his life makes sense. Because of her.
His lips play a smile as he listens to her recalling a story to the group he sits in. His senses have awoken. All he can see, all he can hear, is her. Amirah, his mind whispers, the sound travelling across the thousands of years he has been looking for her. What more could he want in a woman? She was a politician, fighting for the rights of weaklings in society. She was a lawyer, offering her services for free to those who could not afford it. She was one of the best in the country. She was one of the most successful, busiest women he had met.
But her busy schedule did not hinder her from extending her efforts to those in need. In whatever spare time she found she would feed the poor, follow up their cases; she would sponsor orphans and host conferences where she could raise awareness of the plight of poor people living below the poverty line. Voluntarily she taught poor children to read and write. She empowered poor women to start up their own businesses. And here she was, in a conference, speaking to hundreds of gatherers, including him. How lucky he was to have stumbled upon this conference, accidentally wondering in to see what the commotion was about, to find her.
Professionally successful, personally successful and religiously successful. Raised in the USA and still holding onto her religion, practicing it with full determination, he thought, his admiration growing.
He would like to marry her.
But why? His conscience asked him. To treat her right, like the Prophet Muhammad had told men, to treat their wives in the best of ways; would you do that Ahmed? He fidgeted in his seat, thinking of his flaws and how it could turn the beautiful woman in front of him to ashes. His conscience spoke more, confident it would get through to him. Or would you hang her up like a trophy in front of your friends? Think carefully about the reason why you want to marry her Ahmed and don’t be selfish. What do you have to offer her?
Ahmed thought quietly, his attention diverted from Amirah who was still speaking on the platform. He could hear her in the distance of his thoughts, like a bird song chirping beautifully.
I have money to offer her, he thought arrogantly, believing that women wanted a financially stable man who could support her. His conscience interrupted, But do you have the manners to offer her, the manners that a husband needs to have for his wife?
Ahmed’s face turned red slightly as he recalled his fist punching his younger sister for disobeying him. This conscience prodded further into his memory, so that Ahmed remembered not only punching her, but locking her up for days without food or water. His conscience prodded even more, with Ahmed fidgeting even more, as the memory of finding her unconscious in her room popped up.
Yes Ahmed, his conscience spoke, you are a monster.
But I won’t be with Amirah, he fought back in his mind. This is different, she is successful, she is religious, she is not like my sister.
Ah, but she is Ahmed. She is a woman. A woman with a mind. A mind that will disagree with you. And when that happens, your temper will flame up and you know what will happen. You’ll become a murderer, again.
Ahmed suddenly stood up, about to scream at his conscience, when he remembered where he was. A few members of the audience looked at him in annoyance as he was blocking their view of Amirah. He excused himself and left the lecture hall, not looking back. But he knew he had left his heart there, on the seat, for Amirah.
***
Don’t be stubborn Ahmed, his conscience pleaded with him night and day. Don’t ruin this girl’s life. Just leave her to marry a better man, do the right thing for once.
There is no better man. I am the man for her. She is my soul mate. Ahmed believed in it. He could swear by it. He knew it was true. He ignored his nagging conscience and proposed to her. Her family would be impressed. He was a successful businessman with lots of money. He was known in the community to be religious. He prayed in the mosque as an imam sometimes. And that’s why he wasn’t surprised when they agreed.
***
Three months later, Amirah and Ahmed celebrated their marriage. Ahmed hadn’t heard from his conscience again. He had exerted all his energy to keep it silent. With Amirah he was charming and loving. He was infatuated with her success, her confidence, her independence.
So infatuated that a few weeks into their marriage, he didn’t want her to share it with anyone else but him. He believed her having a baby would stop her independence. But she didn’t want to have a baby yet. She believed she had so much more to offer to the world. They had spoken about it before they married and Ahmed had agreed, she reminded him. But Ahmed was stubborn, Ahmed wanted something and Ahmed would get it.
And so Amirah got pregnant. How happy was he, for all the wrong reasons. Amirah did not let her pregnancy stop her life, she continued to work, to volunteer, to impress and win people’s admiration and love. And so came the day Ahmed forbade her to leave the house, to resign from work, to stop her charity work. She needed to look after him, he told her, he needed her more than anyone else. But Amirah had a mind. Amirah had a strong personality. She resisted, she fought back. But Ahmed was stronger, Ahmed was a monster.
His conscience came back from the depths of his soul, reminding him of his sister, his sister who he had murdered and buried with his own hands because she had a mind of her own. He could hear the banging Amirah was making, as he had locked her in a room with no water or food. He believed she would stop banging soon, she was pregnant and would soon tire.
But for days she continued. He sat in a corner of the room with his head in his lap, shouting every now and then for her to stop. She would plead for him to let her go. But Ahmed was stubborn. Ahmed always got what he wanted.
His conscience pleaded with him to let her go. Don’t destroy another life, let her go, you can start again, you can make things right, don’t fall into the same hole twice.
But Ahmed didn’t want to listen. He smacked his head, trying to quiet the voice in his head, the voice of reason telling him to let his wife go. The voice disappeared, drowning into the sea of his evilness for good.
***
He hadn’t heard her banging for days. It was awfully quiet. He feared that she was dead. He opened the door to her room and found a sight that made him shudder.
Amirah was on a prayer mat, reading the Qur’an. He was astonished. It had been days without food or water, yet she sat on the prayer mat with a peaceful look on her face, her face illuminating some sort of white light that Ahmed couldn’t understand. She was reading the Qur’an with a passion he couldn’t understand, her whispers were deafening his ears. The ears that had once heard her voice to only be a beautiful bird song.
His knees caved in and he fell on the floor, sobbing, realising what he had done. Realising the monster he had become. The monster he had always been. His conscience, the one he had buried with his own hands, was right.
You see, Ahmed was a butterfly collector. He saw rare butterflies and placed them in a bottle, slowly taking out all the life in them. He wasn’t interested in what was inside the butterfly. He was more interested in what was on the outside; the beautiful colours of success, the beautiful grace of flying independence. Then he would slowly destroy it, because Ahmed always got what he wanted.
But not this time. This time it was Ahmed who was collected by the government and placed into a cell, just like the bottles he would place his butterflies in. With his life slowly withering away, his life sentence meant that he would never again see the light of day. He would never again destroy precious butterflies who have a right to live, to breathe, to be independent.
***
Amirah continued to preach her message of Islam, of poverty, but she also spoke of a new subject that brought millions to her gatherings. “Men and women, listen to me today” she began, holding her empty womb with her hands, the womb where her own daughter had died. ”When looking for a partner, look for someone to love on the inside, someone to share your life with, someone to be brave with in the storm of this world. Don’t marry for the sake of collecting a person’s success, don’t marry for the sake of admiring that person without understanding or believing in who they really are. Always seek the soul who lies beneath the exterior. Don’t be a butterfly collector.”
And with that Amirah shed a private tear, continuing with her message to the world, showing women and men that a butterfly need not be the most fragile insect in the world; she was proof of that.
Slowly her wings healed and she flew bravely again, fighting against those who held the nets that could destroy another life of a butterfly. “You see, God created butterflies to fly in the wind.” She would say. ”God created butterflies to be free.”
Written by Unique Muslimah
I wonder throughout this was Amirah’s work impinging on her home life? Or was Ahmeds demand for her to stop working and stay at home purely a selfish desire? (the story is emphasising on the latter but its the former is food for thought)
Because you do get some men who say to their working wives them working is affecting her other “duties”. But really i’ve never quite understood that – if you aren’t working and dont have children then what “other duties” are being neglected? A clean home? The washing? The cooking?
I dont believe its not possible to do the household stuff and work. I used to do it (mind you, it was just me living on my own but its the same thing!). Yes you may be tired when you come home from work, but i’ve been equally as tired being home all day if not more so. Its exhausting!
You really need someone who understands your drive, your passion and aspirations and above all you are human. So yes you may be tired some evenings, somedays you may be fine. But that doesnt mean you are neglecting anything or anyone. Its possible to have more than one priority and you can keep your eye on both (your work and your partner)
Sumera
June 20, 2007 at 5:35 pm
[...] may not want their wife working because they believe it “impinges on her other duties”. I’ve never really understood what they mean by that. If you are married and have children, then yes I can see the point thats being made. But the point [...]
A Woman’s Duty? « Inner Reflections Transcribed
June 20, 2007 at 5:40 pm
A heartbreaking story… subhan’Allah.
Y’know, it’s Ahmed I feel the most sympathy for. I don’t know how to describe it, but I really feel sorry for him…
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to hear the words “butterfly collector” again without thinking of your story!
AnonyMouse
June 20, 2007 at 6:10 pm
*cough* *cough* I think you should have made the bad guy, Ali, or Omar, or Ahmad, or Mahamad, or Sam, or Gabriel or even David instead of Ahmed? That being said, I really liked the story. However, I don’t think the advice
(“Men and women, listen to me today” she began, holding her empty womb with her hands, the womb where her own daughter had died. ”When looking for a partner, look for someone to love on the inside, someone to share your life with, and someone to brave with the storms of this world. Don’t marry for the sake of collecting a person’s success, don’t marry for the sake of admiring that person without understanding or believing in who they really are. Always seek the soul who lies beneath the exterior. Don’t be a butterfly collector.”)
that Ameerah gave can be easily applied to the Arab or patriarchal Muslim societies. The reason being that such societies believe that one needs to judge a prospective spouse by their external acts and views rather than what is inside the person and a good example of this is the life of Ahmed. Furthermore, acts of pre-marital courtship (no touching or sex involved) which could allow the man and the woman to know each better is prohibited or at the least is strongly discouraged in those societies; and if such acts occur the women instead of the men are stigmatized as being loose even if there were no physical contact between the two parties. A good example of this can be seen in this text,
و تذكرت أخي الأصغر الذي لا يختلف كثيرا عن هؤلاء الشباب و كيف أنه ما زال يؤمن انه عندما يقدم على الزواج لن يتزوج أبدا من البنت التي يخرج معها الآن! ببساطة لأن موافقتها على الخروج معه دليل على “قلة أدبها و عدم تربيتها” على حد قوله, و أنه عندما يقدم على الزواج سيبحث عن فتاة منقبة – لا أكثر و لا أقل – لا يريد بها أي صفة أخرى سوى أن تكون منقبة! يا سلام؟
that I took from the article و ما الدنيا إلا سيرك كبير! from the blog http://daliaziada.blogspot.com/
English translation(mine): An I remembered my younger brother who is not so different from these young men (the men who date), where he still believes that when he plans to marry, he would not marry the girl he is going out with right now! According to him, the reason is that her agreement to go out with him shows, “how she lacks proper upbringing and morality.” And according to him, when he plans to propose to girl for marriage, the girl will have to be one that wears Niqab; no more no less. He does not want any other characteristics in her other than her desire to wear the niqab. Ya salam(what a beauty)
—-
That being said, I have to admit that the above example is anecdotal but those in the patriarchal Arab and Muslim societies can vouch that such thinking is the rule and not the exception. That being true, I really doubt that ameerah’s advice can be applied in such societies. And I really doubt that other sisters, our queens in our community can really know what is inside the person that is proposing to them if they are condemned for acting outside the boundaries of the cultural norms. So while the advice is great, I don’t it can be applied.
On a side: Those would argue that one can find out the personality of a person during the engagement period, I provide you with this clip.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hkgtCkDr5VY
The clip is in Arabic, so my deepest apologies to the non Arabic speakers. For the arabic speakers, please watch the clip from the 1:00 minute mark to the 5:00 minute mark.
For the non Arabic speakers, I apologize for not translating the clip. However, if you really want educational materials on Islam and Arabic translations, please check out http://www.daralislaamlive.com
Ahmed
June 20, 2007 at 6:41 pm
salam alaykum , wow wonderfully written , im in the process of writing a short story myself i should share it . this story remind me of why i got married completely for the wrong reasons and now i have to deal with the consequences ,its truly tough being a women . i have heard islamically speaking that a man has the right to ask his wife to give up things for him ..i feel men are selfish in that sense becuase theirs so much a women can give to a society why should women just stay at home ? thats what i dont understand …most of the women that just stay at home , are either shopping , gossiping and indulging in tv is it not better for her to busy with something worthwhile? like sorting society out ? i have still yet to understand islamic rulings on this one
huda
June 20, 2007 at 6:52 pm
Sumera, Ahmed was just selfish, she was balancing her home and work life well. Ahmed is a business man and would come home quite late and find her at home with dinner, house organised, etc. You raise really good questions masha’allah, some thought provoking!
AnonyMouse, I know how you feel because I feel sorry for him too, for being that way. It could have been so different but he sees the womans independance as a threat, like many men do, and needed to destroy it.
Ahmed, I agree with you, there are so many cultures where that advice would not be implemented, which is sad because in Islam it is highly recommended to get to know the person (in a halal way) so that you are aware of his character, and we’re supposed to ask friends and family and employees and employers about the groom, even hire a private detective to find out his past and what his character is like (which has been recommended by scholars so that the marriage is a successful one).
Thanks for the video clip! And Ahmed was the first name that came to my head because it’s so popular
Next time I’ll name the villian Sam or something haha 
Huda, thank you! I think in the marriage contract you can put down some conditions as a wife, i.e. that you want to work while married, you don’t want him to marry over you, etc! It’s the patriarchal culture that spoils everything. Will look forward to your story!
Unique Muslimah
June 20, 2007 at 9:06 pm
You know, when I read the title I thought of the book by John Fowles! It was a creepy book. But I liked this story.
Huda: I had heard thatIslamically speaking couples should learn to compromise. Now if the man asks his wife to give up things and she willingly agrees, than that is fine. BUT she should ask why he wants her to give these up. I think its very important to deduce the reason. And he should give up his incredibly late nights and sheesha smoking habits! I joke :p I dontagree with placing restrictions on someone, it essentially infantilises them. By all means show and tell the person you disapprove of something/their choice but ultimately leave the decision up to them. Thats how adults (should) behave. Anything else is how you would treat a child.
Sorry for going off tangent!
Sumera
June 20, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Masha Allah, what wonderful writing.
I think a big problem is that once married, someone will try to change their spouse completely.
I blogged about something similar here:
http://getoutlines.blogspot.com/2006/06/motorcars-metaphorical-tale.html
safiya
June 20, 2007 at 10:10 pm
I read that book years agoooooo, it’s amazing! CREEPY is the right word!
Unique Muslimah
June 20, 2007 at 10:11 pm
Thank you Safsaf, you’re too kind (blush)…I don’t get why someone will marry just to change and add restrictions on that person. It’s not a dog that it supposed to be trained, it’s a human! I really wish to see examples where both couples respect and love each other and wouldn’t change each other or add restrictions on each other. They would discuss things like adults, not treat each other like children who have to listen to the headmaster.
Unique Muslimah
June 20, 2007 at 10:14 pm
Great story, which is oh so true in many lives these days. Marrying for the superficial and pushing away the interior. Subhanallah I too feel sorry for Ahmed. I guess because he strived not to do the same thing he did before. A constant battle with himself. It reminded me of another post you have about marrying someone with clinical depression. I guess that’s the reason I symphasized for him. Thinking he wasn’t all up there like many people who battle this disease. So many messages to take from this story. The most evident a man whose well-off financially and portraying to society what a great man he is is food for thought. It reminded me how hypnotized I was when I met my husband. His good looks, good family who are well-off. Things really to ponder. For some they’re lucky the person was who they said they were, but for others you wish you had a way out of the mess, sadly in some instances it’s too late.
You had me on the edge of my seat like usual Unique ;
Hugs
carimuslima
June 21, 2007 at 12:20 am
Cari, I’m glad you got the message of the story
It is very sad and so common in our societies! Thank you dear for your encouragement 
Unique Muslimah
June 21, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Oh my God! I think I’m going to cry!
Tuba
May 12, 2008 at 9:08 pm